Like most people who watch reality TV, I always laughed when very early in the series people would cry and carry on about someone being eliminated when they have only been together for a few days. I never understood how they could have become so attached in such a short space of time. Little did I know that in time I would find the answer to that question first hand.
The reason reality TV works so well is that the ‘contestants’ are fixated on the prize or end game and often they are just a little bit crazy, bitchy, annoying or even better a combination of all of those qualities. This is why we watch these shows, we love to hate these people and talk about the drama they create.
I never thought I would compete on a reality show, but one day when having a bit of a moment in my personal life I completed an entry form with the help of my best friend. We laughed hysterically when filling in the endless questions, and without any hope of hearing any more about it, I sent that application off with only hours to spare before the specified deadline.
Within days of hearing back from the casting people, having Skype interviews and flying to Sydney, all of a sudden I was a part of a show. I had a week to pack my life up and be ready to be away from my life for anywhere from 3 days to 3 months. I knew this was a once in a lifetime opportunity that would test me in so many ways, so as quickly as I could I organised everything and walked away from my all of my comforts, friends and family to go on this adventure.
My first test was always going to be living with so many other women. Being over thirty and having only lived with family, a partner and then on my own for so long, to suddenly be living with strangers and so many of them was always going to be a struggle. A struggle it was! Sharing a room with 5 other women, some of them you get along with others not so much, you suddenly have to get used to absolutely no privacy what so ever. When so many women are waking up at the crack of dawn to be ready to film first thing in the morning, there is no privacy in the bathroom or anywhere else for that matter. Meal times are always a shared experience. If you want to make a snack for yourself, all of a sudden there are 10 other people asking what you are making, can they have some, giving you suggestions about how you should make it, what you should put in it etc. As someone who values time on her own, not having an escape and not being able to find a quiet place to just be was tough.
Being locked in a small space, having no contact with anyone outside of the walls of where you are staying, no news coming in (no newspapers, no magazines, no TV – movies are allowed, no music, no internet) you do bond with the other people in the house very quickly. They are the only people you have to speak to, to vent to, to laugh with and they understand exactly what you are going through because they are going through the exact same thing. It is something that will bond you for life, even if you don’t remain the best of friends after the show wraps, these people are the only people who will ever truly understand what you went through, and how it felt. It is because of this depravation that everyone bonds so quickly and there are tears every time someone leaves. Those tears are real, and the people that are so saddened by the loss of their friend know they will see them again and know their friendship will continue after the show finishes filming, but there is a moment when you wonder how you will cope without your friend there to vent to and to support you.
The other reason that contestants are deprived of news from the outside (yes it really is like living in a bubble) is everyone becomes fixated on the things that they do have in the house – food, each other, the end ‘prize’. The smallest things become the biggest deal. I remember watching one girl loose it one afternoon because she hadn’t been able to have any chocolate. All of a sudden the really little things are such a big deal.
We didn’t have a gym when we were in lock down which was really difficult. There was a lot of eating and sitting around which is enough to drive you nuts, and there are sometimes weeks where you aren’t able to leave the confines of the house. Without any physical outlet, everything just becomes so much more difficult. Most people in the house did their best to keep their fitness up and keeping themselves occupied by running the stairs and doing joint workouts with others in the house.
To be living locked up in a house where you aren’t getting any news from the outside world and absolutely no contact with anyone from outside this bubble like environment you start to feel very dumbed down. I know a few of the other girls and myself would talk about our interviews and how we felt like we were beginning to use the same adjectives repeatedly when describing things because we felt like the lack of stimulation was affecting us. Whether that’s correct or not I’ll never know. It could have just been a case of we were doing so many hours of interviews each week, that naturally we were going to use the same words at some point.
During your time on any reality show, there are endless interviews that you do. During filming, producers sit with you and chat to you like you’re old friends and then when you are in the interviews, things that have been mentioned in friendly conversation are discussed and broken down in great detail. I was old enough to know what I was comfortable with and what I wasn’t comfortable with. When filming my back-story I was asked if I would be happy to be filmed pole dancing (it is something I have been doing for years for fitness and I am in a very advanced class) I said absolutely. I was then told they would film that segment at my home on the pole that was in my living room. That was the first time I put my foot down. Yes I pole dance, yes I am happy to share that with Australia, no I am not happy for it to be shown in a sleazy or desperate light. There were many discussions and eventually it was understood that I would only film on the pole in the way it really exists in my life, in a dance studio with my amazing instructor present. There were many interviews where I was asked questions about my pole dancing in a very sleazy way because they were looking for a sound bite that would paint a particular picture. They never got that sound bite because I was too clever – I dance for fitness and fun, not to land myself a man.
There were other questions through my time that I refused to answer or repeat. When those questions came up, I would shake my head and let the producer know it was time to move on to another question or topic. I had a very strong sense of self and I was not going to compromise that, I had to live with whatever image was portrayed to the nation. Other girls weren’t so lucky. They would come out of interviews saying they felt pushed to answer particular questions and weren’t always comfortable with what they had said. It is so easy to get caught up in the excitement of the show and believe that it is all that matters.
While filming these shows, you are given the opportunity to do some truly amazing things. It is an incredibly special experience, but on the other side of that is days or weeks where you are locked in a house sitting around doing nothing but talking about the same things you have been talking about for weeks or months. Then you go from being so lazy and going stir crazy to days where you have very limited sleep. All of these factors lead to behaviour that is overly sensitive, very reactive and at times plain crazy.
When given the opportunity to travel to beautiful destinations, it is such an exciting moment. You are finally out in the real world, no longer trapped in the house you have been in for months. I remember being on the plane and watching the news twice on one flight, I was just so happy to have an idea about what was going on in the world! At the destination it was so fantastic being able to have some contact with people other than the crew and other people on the show, even if it was limited contact. However the waiting around continued. The only time I started to crack was being in such a beautiful location, one of my favourite places in Australia and not being allowed to go for a swim. Instead we would sit around all day, made up, miked up and waiting to shoot something……….. Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
When these shows are cast, the production company really does their homework and picks a huge range of people to cover every personality. They also cast people they believe fit in to certain categories/stereo types. When I am working or on camera, I am always made up. It’s clear I like beautiful things, and people often assume that I am high maintenance. Every activity I was given was dirty, out in nature, nothing glamorous. I think production was waiting for me to loose it or get upset; instead I embraced every activity (apart from getting on a boat) and had a great time. What people don’t know about me is I am such a child of the universe. I love beautiful things, dressing up and being such a girl. What I love more though is being out in nature, surrounded by animals and completely make up free. Maybe I was miscast or they just didn’t dig deep enough. The other thing they cast is people who all have great life stories.
The most disappointing thing for me about the show I was a part of was that all of us shared our stories, but none of the really interesting things made it to air. There were stories of breast cancer survival, stories of being a part of a cult as a child and breaking free and heartbreaking personal stories that ended in courage and triumph. I personally shared the story of loosing my mum when she was very young, and a very violent relationship I was in for a couple of years. Instead of any of these stories being shown, what aired on TV were very superficial interactions that meant very little. As a result, everyone was judged on how they looked and silly little things that were said. Almost none of the people taking part were given any depth. It was such a shame for everyone that risked so much by taking part in something like this and for the public who watched the show and could have related to the stories we all had to share.
Inevitably after every single reality show airs, someone complains about how they were made to look because of editing. I am not one of those people. Did the Australian public get a true idea of who I am? No. They did get to see one part of my personality, a very serious side that likes very honest and deep conversation. They saw a side to me that showed I wasn’t there on the show waiting for some man (any man) to pick me. They saw that I was there to see if there was a real connection on both sides. What they didn’t see was the funny, easy-going part of my personality. The part of me that laughs at every possible moment, the part of my personality that is self deprecating and sarcastic. The part of my personality that is just plain hilarious. I was a bit disappointed by the fact that people didn’t necessarily understand me but there was nothing shown that I didn’t say or do, or that I was ashamed or embarrassed by.
I’m a big believer that producers can’t make you say or do anything. Yes they can influence you and maybe steer you in a direction, but ultimately it’s up to you how you behave and what comes out of your mouth.
When you are filming for sometimes up to 20 hours a day, and it is for a show that is 60-90 mins per episode shown once a week, only a small percentage of footage can ever be shown. That is where producers have to sit down and decided what footage best suits the story they want to tell. That means that so much of what we experienced and were excited for people to see will never be shown, and that is why people who participated in the experience are shown in whatever light suits the story. If you were saying nasty things in your interviews, you can’t complain if you are shown as the bitch of the season. Reality shows pick up on our little idiosyncrasies and highlights them. Editing can cut your sentence short so your full explanation of something isn’t necessarily shown, but it can’t make up something that you never said or did. People may be disappointed with how they are portrayed, but they do need to take responsibility for their own actions. When you sign on to do a reality show, you also sign away on producers having the power to edit as they see fit.
Reality TV is half reality, half entertainment. No the show is not scripted, but people are put in to very contrived and controlled situations and then filmed. You mix those situations with the depravation of anything outside of production, and having every emotion heightened and you end up with this TV show that people can’t seem to turn away from. There are sometimes numerous takes, because the cameraman missed something, or you did something unexpected. It’s interesting filming a romantic moment that isn’t so romantic when one of you is dying to pee so badly that they are in pain, but you need to get the shot.
People are so quick to judge anyone that takes part on one of these reality shows, because of what is shown. Even I sometimes get caught up really disliking someone, and need to remind myself that we as the public are not being shown the whole story, and I know there is more going on then what we’re seeing. I have been in the position of having someone walk up to me and tell me what happened on a date that I went on. I responded with ‘yes, I know. I was there’. They then continued to tell me about the rest of my date. Were they right? kind of. But of the 20-hour day I had that day, this woman had seen 3 minutes of it and thought she knew it all. There was so much more that only the people present on that day will ever know about.
Why share this? Because as consumers of reality TV everyone needs to be mindful of the fact that they are watching a TV show that is made for entertainment. Every person that goes on to that show you are watching takes a major risk by doing so. Yes, it is their choice to do it and they know the public will judge them, but nothing can prepare you for what will actually happen and the judgement, nastiness and scorn that follows. These are just human beings trying something new, exciting and different. They are taking a risk and having a once in a lifetime experience. Like these people or not, we should always keep in mind that these are people, and if we don’t like them there could be more to the story than we realise, and there’s no reason to be hateful. Focus on supporting the people you like instead.
Do the friendships last? Some do. The declarations of we’ll be friends forever are always meant when they are said, and I definitely have a couple of the people that I met during that time that I am still friends with and who will remain in my life, the rest of them are Facebook friends who will always have a place in my heart because of our shared experience, and I love seeing them moving on with their lives and achieving the things they always wanted to.
