Being asked to become an Ambassador for Bully Zero Australia was such a wonderful moment for me for a number of different reasons. Firstly, I have always wanted to be able to leave a mark on this world for the better. Secondly I had just finished my time on season one of The Bachelor Australia, and had an incredibly difficult time on social media. The third reason was because I had such a hard time at school, never fitting in and being bullied through the years. I was finally being given the opportunity to share my story and maybe help one person feel that they were not alone.
The work I do with Bully Zero is not paid. They are a non-government funded organisation that does incredible work offering free talks to schools, and organisations. They to keep the foundation going by private donations and raising funds. We all do what we can because we believe so much in the cause and bullying is such a major issue in Australia at the moment.
When we entered The Bachelor house, we were warned to stay off social media for our own well-being. We were told about how harsh the public can be. I thought they were exaggerating. Boy was I wrong. From the moment I was on the screen, the comments started. I was called everything from a man, to disfigured. My voice was offensive, I looked too old (and was too old), I looked too young for my age, I had apparently had every possible cosmetic surgery under the sun and the list just goes on. Even though I know logically that all of these things are untrue, it hurt more than I will ever be able to articulate. There were days during this period that I would switch off my phone and just hide from the world. I have never had an issue with people disagreeing with my personal opinions and views, but to be attacked for the way I look and sound was something I wasn’t expecting.
One night I stupidly decided to go to twitter and have a look at the conversation happening there about the show. I stumbled across a feed that was all about me and it was brutal. I sat there for hours following this conversation and discovered that it had been going on for around 7 hours. How could I be ripped apart for a full 7 hours? Was I really that horrible? There were many people involved in that conversation, but there was one main woman. At 5am, exhausted and wounded I finally had a light bulb moment. This wasn’t about me (maybe the words were), but did this woman and instigator have nothing better to do than sit in front of the computer screen and write about me all night? What a terrible existence to have to focus on someone you have never met, know nothing about and someone who didn’t even get that much air time and rip them apart. I know I prefer to focus on the good things in my life rather than the bad – life is so much more fun that way.
After that, I started a new rule. Anyone that came to watch the latest episode was welcome, but they had to stay off social media while in my house. By focusing on those comments, those trolls were winning. I was taking my power back and keeping my life in a positive place with awesome and supportive people.
Friends were sending me screen shots of lovely and supportive comments being left, and at times getting on to social media and defending me (bless them!). Then I was told about what Hughsey and Kate on Nova were saying about me. I was referred to as the girl that ‘had too much plastic surgery’. Really?? As a way of dealing with everything that was going on, I wrote a post on my Facebook page talking about my experiences with bullies and trolls as a result of the show and mentioned what was being said about me on the radio. Nova obviously heard about it, as it was shared so many times and I was even receiving emails from all over the world. I was invited to speak with Hughsey and Kate the next morning. The conversation was interesting. There was an apology, but I wasn’t really allowed to speak and state my case, instead Kate was defending the things she had said. The irony here is, whenever Kate has been attacked in the media by another person she doesn’t take it well, yet she is more than happy to dish it out. My main point/issue here is, these people have a huge fan base and they need to lead by example. By ripping people apart and making it acceptable, their listeners believe it is ok for them to do the same thing, and so the cycle continues. It is possible to discuss your reasons for not liking someone and backing up that opinion with some valid reasons. I have been very open about the fact that I have had my nose done twice, but that doesn’t make me someone that has had too much surgery.
Some people have responded to my thoughts about the criticism I received from the show by saying, I chose to go on a reality show, so I need to expect to be judged. Yes, I expect people to have an opinion on me and my views. I understand that I am a very strong personality, and not everyone likes that. What I didn’t expect was the personal attacks and completely inaccurate comments about me and my life. Why have we as a society started to believe this is normal and ok? Disagree with people, their views and behaviours. As far as their looks, everyone is doing the best they can with what they have. None of us are perfect nor should any of us be passing judgement on others. Or even better, when you don’t like someone, instead of hating on them focus on something or someone you do like.
A few years ago, I went to a dinner party at a friend’s house. I almost fell off my chair when a girl I had gone to school with and someone who had bullied me from time to time walked in the door. I wanted to leave, but reminded myself that we are adults now, and we all grow up and change.
Over dinner, it was really nice catching up on what she was doing. She also shared with the group; memories of what school had been like. One of my proudest moments came when she brought up a girl who was socially awkward and really didn’t have any friends. She was often the butt of jokes and an easy target for bullies. This girl then reminisced about the fact that any time people started to pick on this girl, I would step in and defend her and get these people to leave her alone. I love that I am remembered as the girl who even though I was picked on, stood up and did the right thing by this other girl. What an awesome legacy!
As it turned out, this girl is still a bully. I began dating someone she knew and she did not like it. She would ring my boyfriend and tell him that I was no good for him. I wasn’t educated enough, and just generally not good enough. The one time the three of us had dinner together, she was rude to me, and the second I left the table, she started ripping me apart again. Thankfully we left that dinner the moment I returned to the table, and I haven’t had to speak to her again. The difference between dealing with this in school and as an adult, I have grown up and no longer give these people any power in my life.
I am blessed that I am able to share my stories and experiences with so many primary and secondary school students. If I make one child feel like they’re not alone and they can reach out for help or help someone find another way to interact online and in a social setting then I have achieved what I set out to.
My rule that I share with these kids is: Before you post a comment online ask yourself two questions ‘Would I say this to the person’s face?’ ‘Would I like this to be said about me?’ If the answer to either of those questions is ‘no’. Don’t post it.
Let’s keep the conversation about bullying going; maybe then we have a chance at stopping it from happening.
For more information on Bully Zero Australia, click on the link:
For help, call the Bully Zero Australia hotline:
1800 028 599
